Designing Rituals: Endings & Beginnings

"The old must be released so that the new can enter." - Kali Oracle Goddess Card

I completed my 32nd rotation around the sun and turned 33-years old on Wednesday. On my birthday, I do a completion ritual to reflect on the past year and bring in fresh energy for the new year. 

You are probably familiar with doing a project post-mortem or post-action review, where a team reflects on what went well, lessons learned, and what could be better next time. 

I apply this to many areas of my life, but I make it a ritual. 

We often move on from thing to thing without taking the time to reflect–our lives passing by like arriving at a destination, not remembering the drive over. 

I do completion rituals whenever I have a significant life change or feel like I need closure. It's a way to slow down, honor what happened, regenerate, and appreciate the journey of life.

As I await my first child's arrival, my husband and I did a completion ritual reflecting on our life as a kidless couple. We reflected on the highlights of our 8.5 years together, how we've grown, what we want to leave behind, and what we want to create in our new family dynamic. 

Many situations call for a completion ritual:

• Transitioning jobs

• End of year 

• Graduating 

• Losing someone

• Getting married

• Breakups

• Moving

• Finishing a big project

Whenever I do this process, I notice disguised anxiety stemming from rotting roots of guilt about what I didn't accomplish. When I vocalize what I did and what I'm proud of, the anxiety melts, seeing how much I've learned from the experience. I leave the ritual renewed–my palate cleansed for a new beginning.

How to Design a Completion Ritual 

We often associate rituals with religion. But a ritual is just a rite, practice, or consistent series of steps. There is something that makes me more motivated to perform a ritual. For example, I feel more enlivened practicing my morning ritual rather than a morning routine. The former feels spiritual, a practice I honor for myself, while the latter feels like something I'm supposed to do. 

There is no right or wrong way to do a completion ritual. Sometimes I journal, and it's a quick 20-30 minute process. Sometimes it's something I need to talk through with a loved one. Sometimes I host a sister circle, and we share our reflections. 

Depending on the situation, I design a ritual which generally follows a version of the questions outlined below. 

Reflection Questions:

• What were my highlights?

• What challenges did I learn from?

• What am I letting go of?

• What am I grateful for?

• What am I proud of?

• What am I creating moving forward?

I also set up the environment to put myself in a reflective mood. I have a special journal and favorite pens I use. I put on my reflection work playlist. I might light candles or burn sage to clear out old energy. If I need to calm down, I meditate before I start journal writing. Sometimes I do a Goddess Oracle Card reading. You don't need to be on the woo-woo side like me, but consider what helps set your mood. If what works for you is just pen and paper or a Notion dashboard, go for it. 

Designing a ritual is your space to get creative and play. 

I'd love to hear what rituals you have in your life. 

Lauren

P.S. Would you be interested in joining me for an online new moon completion ritual? In my indigenous lineage, we see the new moon as the start of a new energetic cycle. In this ritual, we close out the old moon cycle and set our intention and goals for the next moon cycle. I'd love to share this practice if folks are interested. 

P.P.S I obviously have still not had my baby. I’m so enjoying maternity leave without yet having a baby. It’s giving me much needed time for reflection, writing, and creative projects.