AI and Authenticity: Navigating Online Criticism

How making an AI-generated children's book for my family offended the internet

Between grad school finals and Christmas, I handcrafted most of my presents. I set up my power miter saw on the dining table in my Oakland apartment. I cut, glued, clamped, and nailed custom triangular-shaped small shelving units for my closest friends and family. I had to vacuum the sawdust and put the apartment back together before my roommate returned from work.

Making Christmas gifts was my way to detox from school or work and tune into my creativity. But after having kids, I became that person at Target at 9:50 pm on December 23rd searching for last-minute gifts.

Since having kids, finding time for projects that aren’t related to work or our family staying fed and alive is harder than trying to cancel a gym membership. One of the most debilitating parts for me in motherhood is having a waterfall of creative ideas but almost no time for execution. I have a “someday/maybe” note document longer than a Harry Potter novel full of writing, screenplays ideas, painting ideas, and half-started projects.

Then a friend showed me a book he created using AI tools for his 1-year-old nephew with all his favorite words including “Costco.”

He inspired me to create a custom book for my nephews and kids. Getting closer to Christmas, my heart ached marking the first time our family who moved to Oregon wouldn’t be joining us. My shy son transforms into a goofy and physically courageous kid around his cousins. I wanted to create a book to help my son embrace his wild side like he does with his cousins.

Using AI help me get over my paralyzing fear of starting a massive project and finish in time for Christmas.

I thought, what's the most enchanting world I could create for the kids? I wanted the book to be about the kids traveling to the Philippines with their Lolo (grandfather) and to Brazil with their Vovó (grandmother) to meet all the family abroad. It’s not currently possible to to travel with the kids to their grandparents' homelands, but with fiction I could make this dream a reality.

I used ChatGPT to help me write a rhyming book with a personal touch, including inside jokes and representing each child’s personality. I wanted the kids to learn about their family heritage in the Philippines and Brazil.

What often kills my personal projects is me getting overwhelmed by trying to do too much and only having 30 minutes of spare time. AI tools help move pieces of a project in digestible chunks, allowing you to produce fast prototypes and decide which direction to take.

I started when Tiago and I were driving home from a date night. I opened ChatGPT on my phone and used the voice-to-text feature to start the project in the car. I described my idea to ChatGPT and asked it to ask me questions about the kids and our family. Starting is the most challenging part for any creative project. But the best thing about working with AI is moving from the paralyzing blank-page state to editing and refining quickly. In 30 minutes, I shared details of each kid’s personality. ChatGPT wrote a nickname for each kid, and I belly laughed at how well it represented each kid. I used my second brain notes of my travels to the Philippines and Brazil with my in-laws to add in unique details that preserve the family history. ChatGPT gave me some excellent ideas. For example, ChatGPT asked if there was a family heirloom we could use to be a magical travel portal in the story. I realized, we all have large oil paintings of pools in our homes painted by my father-in-law, and I added in a detail of the kids jumping into the pool paintings to meet each other abroad.

Creating something with AI is insidiously difficult, especially with how deceptively simple it appears in all the Twitter threads and TikTok videos I’ve seen. Even with AI handling the execution, you need to be a decisive project manager and creatively adapt to overcome the obstacles. I extensively revised every line of the book to align with my vision and had to down-scope to get it printed in time for Christmas. I’ve always struggled when collaborating with others to provide constructive feedback and tend to be one of those “I’ll do it myself” workers.

This project required me to take on more of a managerial role, which helped me improve my ability to give instructions and set clear expectations. Every night for a week Tiago had to force me to go to bed because I was having so much fun working on the book. Instead of my usual artist struggle and self-care rituals to quiet the critical voice in my head, I could dive in and get started. I finished the book in about 15 hours over a week.

I was surprised by how emotional making this book made me. My sadness about my kids being far from their cousins turned into deep love for my nephews and in-laws. I am grateful to marry into a family I love. A family I can be honest and argue with, knowing our love is secure enough to disagree sometimes. A family I can have deep talks and cry with.

I see writing as a self-discovery and healing process. Using ChatGPT to write the book surprised me. It was a healing journey to make peace with my nephews moving away, realizing our family love doesn’t diminish with distance. I want to make more family books, maybe even without AI-assistance because now I can dedicate more time to this practice.

My biggest heartbreak is that my kids didn’t meet my dad before he died unexpectedly of COVID. I want to create books imagining what it would be like if my dad was here to spoil and teach them lessons only grandfathers can. 

On Christmas Day, when I shared the printed book with my family, I was excited to see their reactions as everyone Oooed, Awwed, and laughed.

Tiago asked if I would make a YouTube video for his channel on making the book.

I was proud of the book and excited that Tiago thought it was worth sharing with his audience. I am a silent partner of Forte Labs, not because I don’t like attention, but because I am afraid people will think I only inhabit my position because I’m Tiago’s wife. In the early days, I was the only employee working with Tiago but now that we have a team of professionals, I feel like I need to impress them.

I worked myself up into a frenzy. I wanted to take this video seriously and not waste the team’s time. So I went against my nature of free-styling YouTube videos and used ChatGPT to help me write a script. What resulted was me feeling awkward and unnatural on camera. When I saw the first cut, I was embarrassed. The content felt blah and didn’t capture what I wanted to express. I asked Tiago to throw the whole thing out. I often throw out work I do because I get paralyzed by thinking nothing I do is good enough. Tiago is on the other end of the spectrum, which has made him successful, just putting stuff out there and seeing how people react.

I let it go and moved on.

Weeks later, I was set to film another YouTube video with Tiago, coinciding with the day my first video was published. Tiago gave me a trigger warning about the comments, saying this video caused a lot of controversy. He knows how sensitive I am to criticism. We have a system in our relationship - when Tiago gives me feedback, he lovingly holds me, stares into my eyes, and fills me with compliments to prepare me. He suggested I face the comments as practice, then said, on second thought, don’t look at it. My mind was racing imagining all the horrible things people were saying, “How did this ugly, idiot land Tiago?”

I broke and had to see what people were saying. I was comforted reading the comments weren't as bad as in my head. The negative comments were all about people being upset that I used AI, which they equated with stealing and not actually being a creative project. The gist was, “You are a cheater/bad person/and bad mom.”

I once heard that the only time you're offended by criticism is if part of you believes it’s true. I grew up with three sisters, who don’t hesitate to tell me when my outfit looks offensively ugly or makes me look fat. My sisters’ comments don’t bother me because I feel no truth in their words. I brushed off the comments because 0% of me felt like I was a bad mom or bad person for not hand-illustrating and writing a book for my family.

I thought I was okay but had to go film with Tiago in 10 minutes, and I didn’t want these YouTube comments in my head. I meditated for a few minutes and let go of the tough logical side of me and allowed myself to feel my hurt.

How much it hurts to put energy into something you think people will find helpful, only for them to be offended and call you names. The deeper hurt was my disappointment that Tiago was excited for me to make content on his channel and for it to fall flat. I imagine what it feels like to be a nepo baby who gets all your parents’ resources and network to make your album and for people to realize you don’t have their talent, just their resources. Yes, feelings are not logical, but they are still there and need to be processed.

I remembered Joe Hudson's coaching when I shared criticism that bothered me. He said, “What if the criticism wasn't about you? Do you get that no criticism has ever been about you? It’s all a projection of their bullshit."

I tapped into the fear these anonymous commenters felt about AI tools and empathized with it. I realized the beauty of being human. Unlike AI, we get to have emotions which is why I believe the creative arts can never be fully taken over by AI. Once my emotions were processed, I could film my next video with Tiago without hang ups.

I take long writing/content breaks, but somehow keep coming back. Kelly Wilde Miller’s writing expresses things I feel but can’t articulate. In her latest Substack post she shares,

“As I keep coming back here to share myself, I have gradually learned that it is safe to be me, to be seen, and to follow my creative impulses. I already feel these things within my marriage and close friends, but to feel these on a highly visible stage like the internet is an entirely different playing field internally.” - Kelly Wilde Miller

In reading her post, I saw how I keep coming back to share my ideas online as a growth edge for self-discovery.

I will always write even as AI evolves for the healing and discovery that happens in the painful process of expressing yourself in a way that makes what is in you understandable to the outside world. 

In writing this piece, I went back to re-read the comments. The first time around I was so zeroed in on the negative comments that I didn’t actually take in the positive and hilarious comments defending me.

I learned from this process what I am going to do differently next time. Instead of following traditional YouTube advice like being overly energetic, I’m going to be more myself, rather than what I think people or the algorithm want. I will keep coming back to the practice of learning to be authentic in my content creation and letting people see me, even if it means facing criticism and rejection.