I’m sure you have all been wondering every day for the last seven months, “Where has Lauren gone? When is her newsletter coming back?”
The more time that goes without me writing, the harder it is for me to start again. It’s like when you have a friend you’ve been meaning to call, but it’s been so long that you keep avoiding it because you don’t know what you will say.
But I know nobody cares or notices when I’m not writing my newsletter.
I focus on other people’s perception of me, but a sage friend helped me overcome my fears, asking me, “What if nobody is thinking about you at all?”
That question holds a lot of truth. It made me realize that the only opinion that truly matters when it comes to my writing is my own.
If you are reading this right now, there is a chance you don’t even remember who I am or why you signed up for this newsletter.
If you need a reminder, you likely found me through Twitter, where I write about personal productivity, content creation, and online courses (I’m one of the creators of Building a Second Brain).
Or you found me through YouTube, where I help people apply to grad school (which you likely signed up for the wrong newsletter and can sign up here for my grad school content).
This newsletter is where I document my journey and lessons, hold myself accountable, and stay in touch with my truth.
I don’t know if I can give a concise explanation of why I stopped writing, but I can tell you that it was a combination of fear, insecurity, and just being overwhelmed with parenting and work.
When I don’t write, I’m not just taking a break from the world – I’m taking a break from myself. I avoid introspection when “I’m too busy” to feel and need to power through work.
I regenerated my energy by taking time offline.
After Tiago’s Building A Second Brain book was published in July, my energy returned from having more of Tiago’s presence and household support. I didn’t realize how much of a toll having my husband write a book took on our family until he wrote his blog post, “The Psychological Toll of Writing a Book.”
I poured my recouped energy into creating a new learning community, Grad App Academy, to help people apply to grad school. I kept wanting to sit down to write my newsletter, but it never was a priority.
I went on maternity leave when Delia Luna-Valdez Forte came into the world on November 10th. This second time around with a newborn is significantly easier. I had a 4-hour labor and home birth. I was shocked by how fast and easy my recovery was compared to my first birth.
The newborn is the easy part. The hard part is managing the growing tantrums of my toddler while being sleep-deprived and making sure he feels enough of my love and attention.
My patience is exhausted.
I’m holding in my frustration with my toddler, but it ends up exploding out as anger at Tiago. Fortunately, Tiago and I have done enough relationship communication work that he doesn’t add fuel to the fire but looks for ways to help me meet my needs.
He pointed out that my well is tapped and that I need to refill it with self-care.
I’ve made my intention for this moon cycle to take care of myself first.
It’s crazy how much guilt I have when I take time for myself. In Mexican families, sacrificing for others is how we show our love (not that I think that is healthy). Even little things like running to the bathroom while the baby is crying make me feel guilty for not responding to her needs first.
I recognize that taking care of myself is how I can be a better mother.
It’s been four weeks since I gave birth, and I was determined to get out of the house and write. Even though I’m sleep-deprived, I have this pent-up energy that needs to be released.
As I write this, I’m resisting my inner dialogue shouting, “This is so pointless. Nobody cares about what you have to say.”
But I write to document my journey. I write to allow myself to be seen. I write because writing again matters.