I listened to writer Suleika Jaouad share her story of going through four years of life-threatening leukemia treatments. I related to her story of being hospitalized and how impossible it is to go back to normal. I spent almost 2-months hospitalized, a year in physical therapy, and had to relearn to walk after a car accident at sixteen. At 25, I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. Both instances threatened my ability to have children. I was left with a deep mistrust of my body– a body that fails me. I didn't realize how much trauma was lurking in my body until I was pregnant.
‘Writing to understand’. I totally ‘get it’. My life journey has brought me to a similar place in that for decades I was scared to write. I always ended up with lists instead of really ‘journaling’. It all felt too big. I didn’t understand that the fear was holding me captive by overthinking everything. Trying to reason it in my head BEFORE I could possibly get it perfectly on paper. Over the past few years I faced myself, finally... after too many years of holding it all. Not even knowing I was holding trauma. I shut down. Because I am a learner and I always want to figure things out... how can I do better? I discovered the book ‘The Body Keeps the Score’ and I realized knowledge would no longer help me. I needed to take action and ‘work’ out what had built up from sheer survival. I realized I avoided things that exercise the vagal nerve and would release trauma from my body and rewire my brain... and let my soul soar. It was my soul that kept me seeking answers. CPTSD was not my end state. So I found ‘The Artists Way’... it has helped me recognize the lies in my head that got in the way of healing. I forced myself to push through the fear of writing. The fear of sharing on social media. The fear of expressing myself in my own unique way. I started to draw (as a meditation therapy)... it scared the crap out of me when it appeared there were skills and talents hidden away in my ‘present’ ... the things I could create if I just dove in and stopped trying to figure it out first. Letting go of perfection and self judgement and really ‘connecting’ with myself and others. My beautifully flawed and imperfect self is who I’m meant to be. Who all of us are meant to be. I appreciate your way of seeing. I totally ‘get it’. I’ve been looking for permission all my life and I am realizing I don’t need it. I’m not alone. I relate and am relatable in ways I didn’t realize. Facing our fear and healing through doing ‘the work’ opens us up to ‘belonging’ ... most importantly to ourselves. I’m not so afraid of writing anymore. It’s still a challenge to be consistent. It used to be something I avoided... and in a way, I still do... but I’m amazed at the magic and understanding that comes to me when I just let it rip ( often to strangers in cyber space, lol )... as I respond to a prompt inspired by another humans reflection and it opens up my own understanding. I see it as the only way my soul can get through to me. It happens when I just let my fingers do the talking and not prethinking it all. My soul has been silenced for too long. It has guided me to healing so it can speak. So I can live fully and serve whatever purpose I have. We each have one. It starts with ‘being’ who we are. Like you, meditation, movement, reflection... getting quiet. It’s necessary to regulate our nervous system and learn to be ‘present’ in order to have peace... and success. I am happy for you in your journey. That you found your way back after such huge challenges. Your words and experience will bless others. We all need to know we are not alone. (PS I found you because I am trying to setup Notion as tool to organize my life... and tripped upon your presentation with your husband at UCLA precovid. I laughed at your ‘take’ on it all. Tho I am an SE major, I mostly related to your position. I’ve been quite skeptical about my own ‘shiny new thing that will solve all my problems’ with getting organized. Lol. I remain quite hopeful tho. I love the GTD concepts and it was a paradigm shift for me years ago. I had to find out what PARA was... because it keeps creeping up alongside GTD. Now that I’m further along and see how my trauma affected my organization challenges, I feel better equipped to make a tool work for me... and my ADHD... a second brain is def what I have always needed ) Looking forward to learning more. Thanks and God Bless. ❤️
‘Writing to understand’. I totally ‘get it’. My life journey has brought me to a similar place in that for decades I was scared to write. I always ended up with lists instead of really ‘journaling’. It all felt too big. I didn’t understand that the fear was holding me captive by overthinking everything. Trying to reason it in my head BEFORE I could possibly get it perfectly on paper. Over the past few years I faced myself, finally... after too many years of holding it all. Not even knowing I was holding trauma. I shut down. Because I am a learner and I always want to figure things out... how can I do better? I discovered the book ‘The Body Keeps the Score’ and I realized knowledge would no longer help me. I needed to take action and ‘work’ out what had built up from sheer survival. I realized I avoided things that exercise the vagal nerve and would release trauma from my body and rewire my brain... and let my soul soar. It was my soul that kept me seeking answers. CPTSD was not my end state. So I found ‘The Artists Way’... it has helped me recognize the lies in my head that got in the way of healing. I forced myself to push through the fear of writing. The fear of sharing on social media. The fear of expressing myself in my own unique way. I started to draw (as a meditation therapy)... it scared the crap out of me when it appeared there were skills and talents hidden away in my ‘present’ ... the things I could create if I just dove in and stopped trying to figure it out first. Letting go of perfection and self judgement and really ‘connecting’ with myself and others. My beautifully flawed and imperfect self is who I’m meant to be. Who all of us are meant to be. I appreciate your way of seeing. I totally ‘get it’. I’ve been looking for permission all my life and I am realizing I don’t need it. I’m not alone. I relate and am relatable in ways I didn’t realize. Facing our fear and healing through doing ‘the work’ opens us up to ‘belonging’ ... most importantly to ourselves. I’m not so afraid of writing anymore. It’s still a challenge to be consistent. It used to be something I avoided... and in a way, I still do... but I’m amazed at the magic and understanding that comes to me when I just let it rip ( often to strangers in cyber space, lol )... as I respond to a prompt inspired by another humans reflection and it opens up my own understanding. I see it as the only way my soul can get through to me. It happens when I just let my fingers do the talking and not prethinking it all. My soul has been silenced for too long. It has guided me to healing so it can speak. So I can live fully and serve whatever purpose I have. We each have one. It starts with ‘being’ who we are. Like you, meditation, movement, reflection... getting quiet. It’s necessary to regulate our nervous system and learn to be ‘present’ in order to have peace... and success. I am happy for you in your journey. That you found your way back after such huge challenges. Your words and experience will bless others. We all need to know we are not alone. (PS I found you because I am trying to setup Notion as tool to organize my life... and tripped upon your presentation with your husband at UCLA precovid. I laughed at your ‘take’ on it all. Tho I am an SE major, I mostly related to your position. I’ve been quite skeptical about my own ‘shiny new thing that will solve all my problems’ with getting organized. Lol. I remain quite hopeful tho. I love the GTD concepts and it was a paradigm shift for me years ago. I had to find out what PARA was... because it keeps creeping up alongside GTD. Now that I’m further along and see how my trauma affected my organization challenges, I feel better equipped to make a tool work for me... and my ADHD... a second brain is def what I have always needed ) Looking forward to learning more. Thanks and God Bless. ❤️