In July, I sent my last newsletter when I decided to take as much of my life offline as possible.
I attempted to muscle my way through the grief of my dad dying of COVID with work. I ended up quitting my public health job. Once teaching our Building A Second Brain online course ended in the summer, I couldn’t bring myself to get anything done.
My grief is elusive. It hides for days or weeks at a time, then comes on suddenly like a volcanic eruption.
2021 was the hardest year of my life– adjusting to a world without my dad and grandpa, confronting an emotional avalanche of family drama, and figuring out who I am as a mother.
But “hardest year of my life” is a story that exists in my head, not in objective reality. The thing about stories is that we can define them or change them. When I sat down to do my Annual Review, where I synthesized the past year and envisioned the future year, I could objectively see the highs and lows of the year. I realized that my dad’s death didn’t break me.
My son brought me so much joy. I’m more proud of my mothering than anything else I’ve ever done. My husband had the best year of his career and wrote a book with publishing deals on multiple continents. I grew my Grad School Guides email list to 7,000 people. I grew my essay review team to 4 people, and we helped over 200 students apply to grad school, most of them first-generation college students. I spent the most time with my extended family than I have since childhood.
My new story about 2021 is that I survived it. If 2021 was me operating at 30% capacity being underslept with high anxiety, what am I capable of in 2022 if I’m just a little bit happier?
That story is giving me hope for 2022.