At 4 am on Christmas Day, I got a text from my Step-mom telling me my dad was diagnosed with COVID pneumonia and being admitted to the ICU. For someone who craves having all the information and taking immediate action, I'm stuck in a position where I can't talk to the hospital (since they are short-staffed), and there is no action I can take other than praying and meditating.
My default mode is to keep busy. To not feel. When I hold back my feelings, they start to manifest as anger. Anger at my husband. Anger at people who don't wear masks. Through meditation and journaling, I've realized that it's easier to feel anger than sadness.
Anger is actionable. Sadness is passive.
As the MAGA mob overtook the capitol building on Wednesday, I thought about their anger. Their inability to feel the sadness of having lost their power.
I started my Annual Review Ritual, the process of synthesizing 2020 and setting intentions for 2021. Every year, instead of declaring a new year's resolution, I pick a theme for the year.
In 2020, the theme was Radical Imagination and Hope. 2020 challenged me to find light and hope in the darkest time and reimagine my lifestyle in a pandemic. Octavia Butler's lessons helped me get through this year.
My 2021 theme is Healing. I've been repeating my daily mantra nonstop, "My dad is healing. The country will heal. I am healing."
On January 1st, my dad left the ICU, a good omen to this year's healing.
What are you creating for 2021?
Healing in 2021
So happy to hear your father is healing. Your newsletter reminded me of this Anne Carson's quote: "Why does tragedy exist? Because you are full of rage. Why are you full of rage? Because you are full of grief."
My theme for 2021 is "Wholesome and kind deliberate practice". Looking forward to keep practicing being kind to myself everyday.
Guía